cereal

I have found it again! It was gone and out of my life. It happened so quickly that I never truly recovered. There is no need to cry over spilled milk, I have found it again. Reunited by destinies kind whim, my heart is overjoyed. Come, gather around, and let me tell you a tale.

We go back to the beginning…

Cereal was the primary breakfast food for my family; a giant bowl of sugary goodness drowning in ice-cold whole milk. I can remember it from pre-school all the way through high school. And I don’t think I am alone, cereal seems to be the Great American Breakfast Food. It rivals the classic bacon and eggs, even toast trembles at the might of Cereal. Alas, I do not like Cereal.

It has a temperamental nature and a flakiness that often leaves me unfulfilled. The nature to which I refer is the bodacious claim of a sweet, crunchy flavor that will satisfy all your breakfast needs. It is a lie, just like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Unicorns, and Lightsabers. There is no lasting crunch, there is no lasting sweet flavor.

For Example, here is a well publicized lie,” Cap’n Crunch® is a great-tasting, crunchy sweetened corn and oat cereal your whole family will love.” Liars!! What they don’t tell you, and they never will, is that within a few minutes of milk exposure the hard exoskeleton of the corn/oat pellet begins to decay and soften. The sweet, crunchy breakfast shrivels in to a soggy, pathetic lump of wasted potential. (pausing to wipe away the tears). Even Crisp X can’t endure the harsh Hoth-like terrain of the cereal bowl. I’ve never found a Cereal that I was consistently willing to submit my palate to , not even Coca-Puffs or Lucky Charms could win my heart. Sooner or later everyone gets soggy.

Over the years I have often tried to breach this trust issue with Cereal. I went back to the table several times but to no avail, they just don’t measure up. Each time they promise greatness but falter within mere minutes. I was heart-sick (Proverbs 13:12, ‘Hope Deferred makes the heart sick…’). But a miracle would take place in South Carolina. Continue reading →