Dormant it lays, fast asleep with iron eyes

Exhaling complacent breaths

I sit and watch with readiness,

Of abandonment

Legs ache from stagnate stances and full of lethargy

Pale with apathy and atrophy

Fingers swollen from incessant cracking and popping,

And nervous twitches

Glancing at the lifeless mass, it bears a resemblance of…could it be?

It is all too familiar

Does it have a name? What would I call it?

I stand silently to let the words come

Voices…I hear voices, some distant but others are terribly clarion

They are not mine, yet they are

Persuasive and harsh, they talk me into submission

Inducing voluntary paralysis,

It is cold down here; walls are wet with perspiration,

Uncertainties productive excrement,

Will it ever move?  I stare at the massiveness yet motionless of its being,

Covering the expanse of escape.

The impressive, colossal beast could wreak havoc and be neigh unstoppable,

Will there be an awakening?

“Wait!  What was the noise?”  I stand frozen in time, trying to ignore the conversation,

“No, no stop saying that, I am not….”

“Leave me alone, you are not me, you are not real…you are…”

I am overruled, and defeated.

I could yell for help, though I’ve tried and found the mocking echo of my torment returned;

Maybe my plight will be seen.

I wave my arms and shout “Look at me, look here I am inside.  I am…I am ashamed.”

I am afraid!  There I said it.

I am afraid of who I am, of who I will become. I am afraid of failure, success.

But do I fear doing nothing more than this,

Death scares me, life is fearful to me,

Living alone is my recalcitrant obsession?

Shh!  Did you hear that?  Listen…nothing…

No voices, no idle damning chatter.

My hands fling back and grip the sullen walls.  It is standing.

………….So alive.

I am unable to move.  I just stand there as the creature confidently moves toward me,

Staring into my own soul

It reaches out and touches me.  I no longer see its face…

I fade from existence.

I close my eyes.  My strength regained, my mind is well, and the voices are gone.                                                                             Fear cannot come, where I am going.

I open my eyes and there it is… the world…life, I see the grass and trees…


3 thoughts on “Stirring

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